Jackie: Yes, Henri. I've been very well. This is all very, unexpected.
Henri: Well, yes, that is how it is with the virus, no? You get cocky because you are well and then, BAM, you find yourself here. Now we do have several specials today.
Jackie: I'm listening.
Henri: Well, as you know, women of your age, you have different versions of le virus and we have two unique options for you! First, we have the Caregiver Package. This special is for la personne who has care of an aged relative. This one comes complete with facemask and nitrile gloves. It has a special little puzzle of making you come up with ways to work around sharing le virus.Very challenging , the Caregiver. It includes at no extra charge, worry for your loved one. Is this the one, Madame?
Jackie: Well, it sounds like the right one for me, but what else do you have, Henri?
Henri: We also feature the Middle Aged Female Package. This one includes, well, worry that when you cough, well... (Henri mumbles, somewhat embarrassed.)
Jackie: Oh, I get it. Sounds miserable, but about right. What else does it include?
Henri: Well it is very complex this package. It includes le couronne, in English, the Crown. A new crown so no eating ice chips! And for the eczema, we include a set of unna boots; bandages from foot to knee, to allow your dermatitis to heal. so we promise that will be really itchy. But this is a really nice option because you will need much of le Benadryl for BOTH your your ailments. See how good! Fresh for you today! Oh - and this one is very interesting, it includes an incontinent pug! So you cannot go barefoot because you might step in a warm puddle! Yes, this package is very well thought out! You will assuredly be miserable! Both of these packages include cough, fatigue, sinus involvement, erratic temperatures. We have a full suite of le Kleenex for your use!
Jackie: Well, I know this sounds terribly greedy, Henri, but I think both packages for me today!
Henri: Very good Madame! We have a little something extra we know you will love! We will populate your kindle with a library copy of A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles! You've been wanting to read this!
Jackie: But Henri, I don't feel well enough to read? My brain is fuzzy.
Henri: That is too bad; you have my sympathy. that is the only good thing about having a virus. But have no fear, we have America's Got Talent Champions on your DVR to watch with your loved one!
Jackie: Perfect!
Henri: But so sorry. You loved one can't hear it very well, so it will be cranked up to a loudness of 53. So sorry.
Jackie: Figures. And you promise to arrange for me to step barefoot into warm dog pee?
Henri: But, of course! Perhaps more than once! And Madame, I personally encourage you to have your husband, who shared this virus with you, bring home the perfect pairing. Le hot et sour soup and le eggroll from the joint on the corner! Shall we phone ahead?
Jackie: Thank you Henri. That sounds great. I've only had a Slim Jim, left over from the hurricane, and 3 chocolate oreos today.
Henri: Perfect, Madame! We hope you enjoy your virus! Keep drinking fluids! And we certainly look forward to serving you again! Please share with your friends!
